Yesterday, on MSN, was an article on "the 10 things you shouldn't tell your child after divorce". I found that I said all of them. Another article said, 10 reasons you should not tell your child 'NO'....I said all of them. By the time I was done reading how to be the best parent, I discovered I was the worst parent.
There is no 'right way' to divorce someone. My ex and I were married for 15 years. We were childhood sweethearts. I was 19 when I married. What did I know about love? I was more interested in being princess for a day. After the gown is off, the music stops and the party is over, you discover that you are joined to this other person who is not the person that you thought he was. We had some good times but they weren't great. But truthfully, we grew apart. Or I should say, I grew, and he did not. He drank alot, liked to be alone, and hated ethnic people. So why was I there, wasting my life? We had 3 children. We gathered them and I told them that daddy would be leaving the house. One of my kids (the middle one cried) the oldest one was like, 'well, he's never here anyway' and the youngest was only 2. Did I curse and swear after he left? yes! was I angry? HELL YES! did my kids hear it? sadly, yes. My children watched me struggle in working 3 or 4 jobs. I played the organ for 3 different churches. I sang in a club. I did dead peoples' and strippers' hair. I was an accountant. I built computers for another company. did I have a day off? no. They watched me when my water heater blew up and I had 58.00 in my checking account. They watched me when I had to put the family dog down. They watched me put on a happy face when all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cover my head. My children watched me fail more times than I can count. I wept and wailed and cursed as I cooked, cleaned, did mountains of laundry. My kids heard it all. Was that the best way to parent? probably NOT! But one thing my children know that is going to come out of me at all times, I am honest with them. I tell them how I feel. I let them know life isn't easy. Unconditional love is important. Bad moments pass, and as long as the sun comes up in the morning, good moments will come again.
So was I the best parent..????? Well............ I was a real parent. A one-of-a-kind, love-them-to-the-moon-and-back, true-to-myself parent. I gave them all I had. Maybe I wasn't the best parent ever...but I gave them the best of me.
There is no 'right way' to divorce someone. My ex and I were married for 15 years. We were childhood sweethearts. I was 19 when I married. What did I know about love? I was more interested in being princess for a day. After the gown is off, the music stops and the party is over, you discover that you are joined to this other person who is not the person that you thought he was. We had some good times but they weren't great. But truthfully, we grew apart. Or I should say, I grew, and he did not. He drank alot, liked to be alone, and hated ethnic people. So why was I there, wasting my life? We had 3 children. We gathered them and I told them that daddy would be leaving the house. One of my kids (the middle one cried) the oldest one was like, 'well, he's never here anyway' and the youngest was only 2. Did I curse and swear after he left? yes! was I angry? HELL YES! did my kids hear it? sadly, yes. My children watched me struggle in working 3 or 4 jobs. I played the organ for 3 different churches. I sang in a club. I did dead peoples' and strippers' hair. I was an accountant. I built computers for another company. did I have a day off? no. They watched me when my water heater blew up and I had 58.00 in my checking account. They watched me when I had to put the family dog down. They watched me put on a happy face when all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cover my head. My children watched me fail more times than I can count. I wept and wailed and cursed as I cooked, cleaned, did mountains of laundry. My kids heard it all. Was that the best way to parent? probably NOT! But one thing my children know that is going to come out of me at all times, I am honest with them. I tell them how I feel. I let them know life isn't easy. Unconditional love is important. Bad moments pass, and as long as the sun comes up in the morning, good moments will come again.
So was I the best parent..????? Well............ I was a real parent. A one-of-a-kind, love-them-to-the-moon-and-back, true-to-myself parent. I gave them all I had. Maybe I wasn't the best parent ever...but I gave them the best of me.
Rose Ellen A Moore
www.rcmooreunique.com
RCMoore for the Unique Millinery and Vintage Shop
1729 W Tilghman Street
Allentown PA 18104
610-740-3820
